Good News!

Well nurse from my docs office called to tell me that my liver is back to normal. I am not completely sober but I am doing so much better than before. I have to go back in 3-4 months for more blood work, but I am allowed to safely say that I no longer have alcoholic hepatitis. However, this does not give me permission to back track and ignore everything I have done in the past 53 days. I may not be 53 days sober but I am sober today and that is all that matters. One day at a time.....

you ask, i'll tell

I have been asked why I am not blogging as much, and this is my answer: I don't know if its my medication or just life, but I have been sort of withdrawn. You wouldn't know it to watch me on Facebook, but I just am. I am sober today, but haven't stayed sober the entire time since my journey began. I believe I have drank 4 times in the last 45 days. That is actually very good for me. I am waiting for my last batch of bloodwork to come back. If staying strong sober for 30 days didn't change my liver levels than I will have to take more serious measures. Its all good though. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon so I will do whatever it takes to be around for the next 50 years, if nothing else but to kick Tom's ass......later

I love me

well after 41 days, I have drank 3 times. I guess that is a huge accomplishment even if I'm not completely sober. I have to do what's best for me on my terms, and no one elses. I thank God for not leaving my side, and for loving me unconditionally. Now I must do the same.

kinda quiet

Yes, its possible for me to be quiet. Gasp! I think I am taking me time and mixing it with a little bit of Mike and really reflecting on how lucky I am. Just sayin....

new road

I have decided that instead of a sobriety count I'm just not going to drink today. I'll worry about not drinking tomorrow, tomorrow. I guess that is what one day at a time means. I really need to make it much less difficult than I do.

Its rainy outside but its beautiful because i'm alive and sober.

March 12, 2010

I'm having a wonderful Friday evening with Mike. It has been very enlightening. Makes me wonder who I should be friends with and I shouldn't. I love my friends and I love my boyfriend even more! Goodnight everybody!

Day 2 again ~ to all my peeps

You know its funny; I have had a headache ever since replapsing the other night. Either its a sign from God or I have a coincidental sinus infection that just happened to start when I should be hungover.

I want you to know that I am thankful for your friendship and support and I couldn't take it one day at a time without you.

31-1

Okay, I'm starting this thing again. I am not going to start my count over, just show my wins and losses. Hopefully last night will be my last loss. Waking up this morning I am not as ashamed of myself as I thought I would be. I think because I had it stuck in my head that my friends would leave me if I failed. I think I was hard enough on myself for everyone. Thanks for listening.

for those of you that follow with subscription....

31-1....

I am a coward and I gave in to the temptation.

I hope that those of you who put faith in me will still follow to give me encouragement.

I still think that I will have 10:13 tattooed to my ****

Please dont leave me, I need you.

Theresa

31-0

I don't know if its because I passed the 30 day mark, but today I fought a seriously hard battle with my inner demons, and almost gave in. First it was get bourbon and share it was Mike then it was just get one bottle of wine, just to get rid of the craving. Then I would think about how I would wake up the next morning and feel like shit, but that thought didn't last long until the next negative temptation shoved its way into my mind.

I drove past the ABC store on pantops en route to Food Lion, 1 obstacle. I could still buy my absolute favorite wine in Food Lion......getting out of the car.....walking down the parking lot towards FL........BAM! I see my reflection in the window. Yes I have lost 14 pounds but I still waddle like a 7 month pregnant woman. I was reminded that with just one sip, even if I kept it to myself, I have let down me, you, God, and most of all ME.

I am thankful to be home right now, safe from any alcohol temptation. Thank you God for helping me through that fight. I fear the day will come that I slip, and if it happens will my support be gone? And you know what? That is the alcoholic in me asking you to say you will support me, giving me permission to slip. At least I'm able to admit that. Maybe it is time to go back to AA.

30 days sober

Have you ever heard an audience in your head cheering you on when you have succeeded in something great? I am hearing that applause right now. I made it to Day 30. Wow! Hard to believe, but it goes to show that I can fight against my greatest downfalls, and as long as I remember to do it One Day At A Time! Til later......

Day 29

I have had too many cravings for wine today. Dear God, please give me strength to continue with my journey and stay on the path of sobriety.

Dinner- waitress puts a big ole bottle of wine on the table and asks if anyone would like some. Well yes, yes I would, but can I? Should I? NO

CVS- going down the chip isle, my favorite wine sitting right next to the chips. Really? In the grocery store they would be on the opposite side of the store.

God, why must you test me?

.......night 29, almost 30 days......to be continued...

Night 28 - Depression but rear its ugly head every once in a while

I must have too much invested in my love of Women's Virginia Basketball because when they lose, I feel like the world has just come to an end. I can only assume this is because of my depression, but this too shall pass.......28 days, not so shabby (silver lining on this disappointing loss).

Night 27 ~ To my dear friend P. F.

You are crying for help. That is the first step. Now you have to embrace it. I am only on day 27, but I'm in a place that I haven't been in years. You can do it, but you have to do it for you. You deserve the best for yourself. You are strong. You are worth it!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Tonight, I say this for myself and for you.

Love, T

Day 26, on vacation

.....well Mini Vacation, that is. Heading to Greensboro tomorrow for the UVA Women's Basketball tourney with my parents and Haylie. I have so much to do including write an Essay that is due Sunday, and study for a mid-term due on the 13th. I am planning on going to the gym today to do another kick ass "non" step class, but part of my brain is trying to talk the other part out of going. Not so much to the gym, but to the class. I hate those inner demons. They aren't successfully pressuring to to drink so they think they can tell me not to do something that is actually good for me. Well, i'm not listening. As long as I can get out of here in time, I'm going to the non-step class (step class, but I don't use the step because i'm extremely out of shape) and work my ass off.......lata

25 days

I had a stressful morning dealing with other peoples problems. It stressed me out enough to want to drink, but I let that pass. I think the only time that I get really effected by the desire is when I see a bottle or glass of wine. I don't think that will ever go away....maybe subside, but never ever go away.

Good night 24th day of sobriety

I can't believe it has been 24 days. It seems like forever ago when I started this journey. Why did it take hepatitis to accomplish this? I'll never know.....not much to say today. Just tired, and for the most part life is good......to be continued >>>>>>>>>day 25